As you probably all know, the Oklahoma Sooners and Texas Longhorns have abandoned the Big 12 and joined the major leagues, increasing the SEC’s membership to 16 teams. Of course, this is great, because not only is more fun with more teams, but both the Sooners and Longhorns will get a lot of attention.
With that in mind, we at SDS know that as the Sooners and Longhorns get acclimated to their new surroundings for the first time, there will also be a lot of attention and first-time visitors to the various SEC campuses. Thankfully, for Texas and OU fans, I want to provide some well-educated and helpful information on our new SEC neighbors…
Alabama: Houndstooth, houndstooth and more houndstooth. Tide fans still haven’t gotten over the retirement of Almighty Saban, so tread carefully. Their new coach’s last name, DeBoer, sounds a lot like “The Bear” in a certain Dixie dialect, but please don’t get confused. For now.
Arkansas: Unlike the rest of the SEC, this is just a day trip for most Longhorns and Sooners fans. Fayetteville is, well, an interesting place. The best things to look forward to are a plethora of barbecue joints and an above-average football stadium that tends to empty out late in most games.
Auburn University: The Tigers are like Oklahoma State and Texas A&M, the little brother of perennially disgruntled states. And it’s not “Jordan-Hare Stadium.” It’s pronounced “Jah-den.” Don’t let the toilet paper get stolen. But doesn’t throwing it at a tree feel like cannibalism?
Florida: There may be a sense of entitlement that doesn’t line up with the results in Gainesville, but that’s mainly because the Gators’ three championships have been sandwiched between mostly abject failure both before and since. Mr. Two-Bits is gone, but it’s still one of the most unique aspects of the game-day experience.
Georgia: The neighborhood bullies. Kirby Smart may not care much about local traffic laws, but he still doesn’t speed on the way to Sanford Stadium. They play between the hedges and think nothing of cutting them down as a souvenir.
Kentucky: A basketball powerhouse. That’s it. That being said, the Wildcats are good at pulling off one conference upset per season, so keep an eye on them. Generally speaking, though, most SEC fans would be quick to trade them to the ACC for Clemson.
LSU: The Tigers have the best pure talent in the SEC every year. There’s always the question of LSU always going to slip up along the way. Tiger Stadium is like an Erector set, but at night the home team is nearly unbeatable. Also, check out the girl in front of the band.
Mississippi State: In contrast to Oxford, there’s nothing classy about Starkville. First, it’s in a really remote area. Second, the cowbells… dear Saban, the cowbells. Their actual on-field production is middling at best, and their main battle is over eggs with Ole Miss, but the cowbells alone always make me hesitate when thinking of Starkville.
Missouri: One of the few true enigmas in the SEC. Great academic school, and at times a very solid football program. Columbia is the second best in the conference, but it’s a short trip, at least for you guys.
Ole Miss: Oxford was once Miss America’s redshirt school, but Lane Kiffin has now transformed it into a semi-legitimate powerhouse. Classy tailgating is big at The Grove, and people here love the Mannings (except Peyton, but more on Peyton later…). Get ready for a Big 12-like offensive rush.
South Carolina: If you’re lucky enough to get to top-notch Columbia during the State Fair, you’ve hit the jackpot. The University of South Carolina also does the best pre-game preparation in their stadium of any team in the SEC. But once kickoff rolls, the quality plummets.
Tennessee: Prepare to be crammed into Neyland Stadium, where the hip-to-row ratio is so high that even an average-sized person would feel cramped. The theme song plays after every first down, and 15% of the men under 30 in the stadium are named Peyton.
Texas A&M: Watch Auburn University in “Little Brother” commentary: College Station is a very cool place, but the Aggies’ yell leaders are one of the weirdest things in sports: They play there in military uniforms and they play military-like on the field, which means, not very good.
Vanderbilt: It’s great to be in Nashville, close to Broadway, but when you walk onto Vanderbilt’s campus, there’s a distinct vibe of “we’re better than the football hooligans.” They’re smarter than you, and maybe richer than you, but you could also put the score against them: They’re getting pushed across the board.
