There’s no way to complain about that car race either… right? right? ! I know Talladega was a bust, but NASCAR needed a (severe) victory this weekend in Texas.
This stinked the next generation of cars, but made the 1.5 mile truck even better. I’ll give it. It completely ruined the Super Speedway and the short track, but ‘ol mile-n-halfs has held pretty good shows over the past few years.
We had a corner and a seducer. I destroyed my butt. Finally there was a lead change, a pass and drama. The grandstand was actually full. And just a moment! Joey Logano has stopped complaining long enough to actually drive a race car and drive it well!
What is the difference between a week? Let’s see what happens when you complain for two seconds and actually do your job. wild.
The first NASCAR Monday in May, what else should I touch on today? Well, I buried Denny Hamlin in a fantastic Texas fan with a disgusting gesture and quickly set fire to it. How does that sound? good? good!
Also, Dale Earnhardt’s evil widow causes trouble, Dale Jr.’s wife makes herself mad, Baba Wallace angers all the fans who have won you God, Danica Patrick does the same for all Pansy F1 fans.
But at least she wore a tiny little dress in the process! We take it. You will see.
Four tires, that Sunoco Racin’Fuel (gas is cheap, you know!), and perhaps a hefty dose of karma for Denny Hamlin… Monday morning pit stop – “We finally had our first decent NASCAR race on the monthly edition – Live!
So does Horns Down and Denny!
I think we might start with the fire. It’s not often seen a car explode in flames on lap 30 of the race for no obvious reason.
Well, it hurts it. I’ve seen it much more frequently over the past few years thanks to everyone selling these cheap lemons NASCARs, but it’s still wild to watch each time.
In other words…come! How does this happen?
not good! Such mechanical failures are not seen very often, especially from someone in the JGR vehicle. It was Denny’s worst finish of the season (38th), and it was his second consecutive week outside the top 20.
Obviously, he’s already won twice, so that’s not important, but still… not the way you want to start May. As you can see above, Denny probably would have come to him.
After all, this was awkward task:
Logano takes out the Chipper, and Bubba takes out everyone!
God, I love Denny. He’s the best. Because honestly, he is one of about three drivers who show a 1-ounce personality in that garage.
He doesn’t shit what you think or say, or who you are. This reminds me. Check in for this Twitter exchange between Denny and NASCAR’s Head Communication Guy, Mike Forde last week.
Whooooooof. look? He doesn’t give shit. No one is safe in this business. When pushing 45 without title, the gloves will be off. Give-a-damns is coming out the door. We’re waiting for Denny to go innocently and raise Brian France next!
Find it out for those who don’t know.
Anyway, I’m back to Texas…
Elon’s Twitter fans have gone well, so check in on your big Bubba day.
I don’t know… what do you all think? I don’t know if they saw anything worse than Baba… Texas is.
Yesterday I saw a few drivers hit a wall like that. It was slower in the race, everyone was offensive, and Baba blamed the wall. I took out half a dozen screwdrivers, which wasn’t ideal, but he wasn’t the only one yesterday.
God, we had a lot, right? Texas races don’t remember with so much attention. And big ones too! I didn’t dislike it. Joey went through all M, including Baba, to win for the first time in 2025 and win Chipper Jones at the same time.
Win-win!
What did you think about the shipwreck (or anything else) on Bubba? zach.dean@outkick.com!
F1 fans love Danica, NASCAR fans love this anthem dog and Earnhardt’s wife!
So for those who skipped this class last week, Chipper oddly called Joey Logano by calling out his teammate Austin Sindrick to a little bitch during the race last week.
Chipper said it was a low blow. Most of the NASCAR world did. I certainly agreed, but it’s mainly because I wanted to fit.
Anyway, Joey applauded as much as he could by calling Larry unrelated, and quickly won yesterday’s car race. So we conclude 2025’s strangest and most random dick measurement contest.
And that’s a long list!
Go ahead…
…To everyone who hates poor Danica Patrick in Miami yesterday. sad. Get mad, hate it! We are #TeamDanica. She’s hot. She is a big R Republican. And she’s hot!
I don’t support Danica’s slander around here. Not today. It’s not tomorrow. So far. She spent a year campaigning with Donald Trump. She laughs at Libs every day. She was the best on screen yesterday, loser!
By the way, let’s take a look at how the race progressed…
Ah, that’s good! There’s nothing like a solid 37-second gap between the first and third. There must have been rivets! I’d be grateful to Danica at least for her to see it.
PS: A tough scene with an umbrella. There is no way to protect it. Sorry, Danica.
A couple’s quick on their way out…and they both have an Earnhardt blowjob involved! First, we’ll start with The Good: Amy Earnhardt.
my god. This is why I am a man and I am grateful to my lucky stars every day. Seriously. Being a man is the best. We only make our pants angry when we tank them. But in a situation like Amy? It’s never a problem for us. At that point, you’ll just get leaks everywhere. Literally – anywhere except our own feet.
Obviously it’s difficult for a girl, so I get it. They don’t just dig an empty Gatorade bottle in the back seat so we can. Again, women are great – they’re way better than us – but in this case? God, it’s good to be a man.
Now, from Hot Amy Earnhart to Vindictive Teresa Earnhart!
For those who missed it late last week, Teresa Earnhardt is known around these parts as “The Evil Witch of Nascar,” but again of no use. I swear, you cannot take your eyes off this woman for a second. Not just one!
Late last year, Dale’s widow planned to sell 400 acres of Mooresville’s farmland and turn it into an industrial park. That’s right. Industrial park! Has anyone ever entered an unbearable, disgusting building? Those!
Anyway, this proposal was shot down at the time. This was great news for patriots and NASCAR fans across the country. Did you make a deal, right? Finally, we were all able to move on.
I’m wrong!
Last week, Teresa had a surprising amount of green light from the city and destroyed Dale’s farm. I don’t know how to do it. I don’t know why. But it’s moving and that’s not great.
According to the Charlotte Observer, the Mooresville Planning Commission votes 4-3 to recommend rezoning the lands of Teresa Earnhardt and “playing a key role in supporting the digital needs of the southeast” for the planned Mooresville Technology Park.
It’s horrifying. Non-American. insult. This woman needs to stop:
look? gross.
Anyway, final approval for this project is set to vote in the coming weeks, so let’s hope that some amazing people in Mooresville will step into the plate to save the day.
Raise hell and praise Dale!
Finally, wash away the patriotic taste in our mouths with the most American anthem you’ve ever seen.
McCall from Cabo takes us home!
God blesses America. I love this country. I love Dongraves. Thank you for your service, brothers!
Okay, that’s for today. A good story. A good way to start May. Let’s have a big month.
Take me to Kansas in McCall. And then go back to class!
